The 16th century Russian guide to good household management and family life, the Domostroi, is a rich repository of information, instruction and advice to any Christian person and member of a household — husband, wife, children, and servants. The Domostroi gives us priceless insights into how society was ordered at the time, and how our ancestors lived. There is no consensus on who exactly 
compiled the guide; however, the most widespread version of it was edited by archbishop Sylvester, an influential spiritual advisor to young Tsar Ivan the Terrible.
In the 16th century the Domostroi was considered to be a Code of Conduct for the Russian nobility covering every imaginable area of home economics, marital and parent-child relationships. It contained specific advice as to how to pickle mushrooms, for example, or maintain cleanliness in the kitchen, and gave more general and serious recommendations as to how to make a household well-ordered and neatly-organized (quote — “it should feel like entering Paradise”). It also provided relationship advice to all family members. A noted scholar and expert on Russian culture Dmitry Likhachev referred to the Domostroy as “the cookbook of Russian life”. Let us dip into this remarkable book, shall we, and imbibe from this fount of wisdom.
The life of a Russian patriarchal family was dominated by religious and moral laws. Worshipping and observing holy days were central to a Christian family and the very household was arranged to resemble a chapel. The Domostroi instructed how husband and wife should pray, maintain their purity, do no evil, how to give alms and help people in need.
Every house had a special corner for a family shrine with icons that were handed down from generation to generation. They symbolized a spiritual bond between parents and children and continuity of the family. The icons were the first items to be rescued during fires that were not uncommon at the time. The Domostroi contains instructions as to how to arrange the icons properly, how to look after them and keep them clean, specifying that the icons can only be touched with “a clear conscience…”
“Clear conscience” is the ethical standard that is often mentioned in the Domostroi. Russian children were taught by the Scriptures and the Domostroi to be always guided by a clear conscience. From an early age every Russian knew the 13 “do nots”: “do not steal, do not fornicate, do not lie, do not slander, do not envy, do not offend, do not gossip, do not covet, do not judge, do not carouse, do not deride, do not harbor grudges, do not anger”.
The Domostroi was the family charter that unequivocally regulated inter-family relations. The husband was the head of the family, the master of the house, the breadwinner, the man in charge. He was responsible before God for everything that went on in his little kingdom, including his wife:
“If the wife follows the rules, the husband should love and reward her, but if the husband sees that his wife does not live in accordance with this instruction, then he should instruct her again, if again she fails to obey, he should punish her and discipline her, but do so when they are together alone. Then he should forgive her and remonstrate with her lovingly. When he disciplines her, he must never get angry with her and she with him …They must live together in love and harmony…”
A kind wife was considered to be God’s blessing to the husband. “If God gives one a good kind wife — it is more precious than a precious gemstone.”
The Domostroi teaches parents how to raise children, and instructs children how to love and take care of their parents:
“Raise your children using bans and restrictions, and you will find peace and blessing in them when they grow up. If you love your son, don’t give him total freedom and authority when he is young, but bruise his ribs while he is growing, or else he will become wayward and disobedient to you, and you will have sorrow in your soul, ruination and loss in your property, and reproach from your neighbours; you will be the laughing stock to your enemies, and the authorities will penalize you and give you grief.”
The Domostroi preaches ideals of purity, order, frugality, as well as hospitality, mutual respect, and at the same time — austerity, prudence, and even love of poverty and beggars. Gravity and dignity permeated everything in the regulated life, and any violation of the household rules was considered a sin.
Over the centuries there have been many critics of the Domostroi, and yet its basic rules stem from common sense: they give structure to family life; they provide sound marital advice; they give valuable insights into raising children… and last but not least — they emphasize the vital importance of clear conscience in one’s life and of God made visible inside a home of a believer — the importance of that special corner in a Russian house where there is a shrine and the holy icons…
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